It happens in chemistry all the time: two elements come together to create something unique and powerful — and sometimes a breakthrough. We see this in organizational behavior, as well. It has almost become common practice to place two completely separate terms side by side, and in so doing, express distinctive meaning:

• Situational Leadership®
• Emotional Intelligence
• “Atomic Habits”

The term “courageous conversations” unquestionably has a place on that list.

A conversation is an exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions or ideas. When you are in a conversation, there is a shared responsibility to speak, but far more importantly, to listen. This (thankfully) rules out two people yelling at each other, or one person dominating and another person submitting. In a true conversation, reason rules the day, safety defines the setting and spontaneity is unencumbered.

Courage is defined as the mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty. In effect, when you exhibit courage, you are acknowledging the danger and risk that will inevitably present itself on your path, but continuing on your journey, nonetheless.

Now consider why putting the two concepts together is such a breakthrough in communication. When you initiate a courageous conversation, you are well aware of the danger and difficulty that may lie ahead for you, but you consciously commit to do whatever you can to remove any such barriers for the person with whom you engage.

With all of that in mind, consider the following necessary elements of a successful courageous conversation:

1.    Safety

Judy Glaser brought attention to the importance of psychological safety in her classic book “Conversational Intelligence.” She described safety as a function of what is happening (or not happening) in the brains of the participants. If the brain senses danger, it quickly migrates into “fight or flight” mode. Either position is at direct odds with a successful conversation.

It is important to spend time in thoughtful consideration of how you can establish an honest, open and non-threatening tone when initiating a courageous conversation. Your ability to remove fear for your discussion partner has a direct impact on whether the conversation is meaningful or successful.

2.    Conversational Archeology

Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts, was obsessed with uncovering what made other people tick. She had an innate talent for getting people to talk about themselves. As they did, she would dig and dig until, at some point, she had uncovered what was most important to that person and why. This practice of “conversational archeology” not only contributes to psychological safety, but it is a strong and necessary foundation for a courageous conversation.

Consider what conversations look like without this approach. Each participant would start out with what they need or want to say, then prepare to respond to resistance or opposition. This approach can (and frequently does) result in communication conflicts. When it comes time for a courageous conversation, remember Frances, and seek to understand what’s truly important to the other person.

3.    Conviction

What matters to you, and why? Have you thought it through? Do you know why you believe what you believe? Are you willing to put those beliefs to the test?

In all likelihood, engaging in a true courageous conversation will require you to articulate your perspective, in a non-judgmental manner, while being challenged by emotional opposition. Which, when you think about it, is probably why there are far fewer of these discussions than there should be!